Vulnerability is a B*tch

I definitely struggle with vulnerability. The word itself makes me uncomfortable. The idea of having to subscribe to “the state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally” is just not a comforting feeling. I always thought that if i spent enough time with someone or in some place, it would help ease my anxiety but just a comment, an action, or even a location can send me back to a space where I felt nothing but vulnerable. I see how it causes others to feel weary of the distance I create. It causes distrust, resentment, and ultimately avoidance. You can try to explain all you want but it never seems quite enough. I writing this at a time where I feel more exposed than I have in years and attaching it to images that made me feel seen positively. Hopefully, they balance each other out.